Elouise Plain of Plano: A lesson in humane speech
12:00 AM CDT on Friday, June 20, 2008
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/city/collin/opinion/stories/DN-north_plain_20edi.ART.North.Edition1.4deed7d.html
I love that commercial on TV where the cavemen are offended because we (society) have stereotyped them as stupid, dumb, slow – whatever you want to call it. I laugh every time I see one of the different scenarios they have come up with, especially the one where the caveman is walking on the moving sidewalk at the airport and sees the ad on the wall, turns around to look at it again and just makes a resigned face.
For years (since the 1980s?), we’ve been bombarded with the “PC” way of saying things, and I, like most others, have tried to abide by the ever-changing rules that different groups have come up with for addressing them. For example, as I was growing up, someone of the dark-skinned race was called “colored,” then they wanted to be called Negro, then “black,” even though I’ve never seen any person whose skin was truly black – they’re really many shades of brown.
Now they are called African-Americans, although I doubt that even 1 percent of them have ever been to Africa. I recently found out that my original ancestors are from South Africa, but I have light skin from a set of white (pink?) parents. Should I now call myself an African-American or a pink woman?
I have a beautiful young niece from Korea who was adopted by my sister and her husband when she was just a toddler. She is now 24, and has been taught by her parents to ignore the stares and hateful comments they received when she was smaller because she was a child of Asian descent with very pink parents.
As my niece grew out of the toddler stage, her parents realized that she had some learning disabilities, and it turns out that my beautiful niece is, to use the most common term, mentally retarded. As a young adult, she knows she’s “special” and has limitations in her life that restrict her from doing what other girls her age do – like getting married, driving a car or living alone. She excels at what she can do, and for several years has been very involved in Special Olympics and has a room full of medals and ribbons.
(If you’ve never attended a Special Olympics event, you’ve missed out on the thrill of a lifetime. The participants overcome some of the most insurmountable obstacles to compete, and the pure joy on their faces when they receive their medal or ribbon can’t be touched by anything else I’ve ever seen.)
What breaks my heart, though, is how people use words like “retards” and variations of this word in rude, thoughtless phrases in their daily conversations. I have heard college graduates – not that that makes them any more intelligent, just a little more educated – using the phrase “you’re retarded!” to friends, just as a comeback. I recently heard a friend who was exasperated at a driver in traffic refer to him as a “retard.”
Folks, this kind of language is unacceptable. Whether you do it as a habit or without thinking, it is painful and offensive to … actually, everyone, but especially to a person with learning disabilities.
In the early days of my niece’s “illness,” we referred to it as “M.R.” if it had to be talked about. I’ve heard many terms over the years that different people used to describe someone with mental disabilities, and the one I like best is “intellectual disability.”
My sister works with adults with intellectual disabilities of varying degrees, and I’ve gone to some of their parties and outings. Some were born that way, others had strokes or accidents that incapacitated them. All are humans with feelings, and who express pain, joy, sadness and love.
If you will change just one thing in your speech patterns, I would ask that you never, ever, refer to anyone, under any circumstances, as a “retard” or as “retarded.” That is as offensive as using the “N” word or any other vulgar, politically incorrect word. I thank you for being compassionate enough to do that.
Elouise Plain of Plano works as software support staff and is a Community Voices volunteer columnist. Her e-mail address is .