ASK AMY
Friday, June 27, 2008; 12:00 AM
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/27/AR2008062701252_pf.html
DEAR AMY: My family is not sure what to say to people who routinely use the word “retard” or “retarded” to mean someone or something is stupid. The term is offensive and ignorant, especially to those who have family members, friends or other people they care about with Down syndrome.
My children frequently come across other children using this term and, worse, it’s often the parents who are teaching them this through their own misuse of the word. At times my children will tell their friends that we don’t say that in our home and that we prefer that they don’t either. But how do we handle it when we hear it come from the mouths of adults?
We have a family member with Down syndrome who happens to be the greatest blessing and is by no means “stupid.” If people think in terms of replacing “retarded” with any other term such as those based on ethnicity, sex, body size, race, etc., they may view using the term differently. — Stumped for what to say in Illinois
DEAR STUMPED: I have noticed an uptick in the use of this word lately — which is thrown about, usually jokingly — and which I agree is insensitive and offensive. I trace some of this back to a “Saturday Night Live” skit that seemed to put this word back in play after a period of dormancy.
You don’t have to have a family member with Down syndrome to ban the use of this offensive word in your home, and you shouldn’t have to explain the context when telling people that you find this word objectionable.
I like what your children say when other kids use this word, and think you could take a cue from them when dealing with adults. You can say, “I really object to the use of that word and I wish you wouldn’t say it in front of me.”
I am so thankful for this resource. I recently removed my daughter from a performing arts camp sponsored by the Oklahoma City Parks and Recreation Department in part due to the instructor’s use of the word “retarded” in an derogatory manner. It made my ten year old very uncomfortable and she was able to relate this comment to a young girl we know and event made the statment, ” ‘Jane’ is not like that.” Although I do not have a family member with Down’s Syndrome, I feel very strongly about this issue and plan to support this movement through continued personal advocacy as well as purchase of a bumper sticker.