We call it the “r-word.” To use the term “retarded” to describe individuals who have mental, emotional, intellectual, or developmental disabilities is inappropriate because it is an inaccurate overgeneralization. For decades, anyone whose brain works differently has been labelled “retarded,” regardless of the cause or effect of the differing function. This resulted in an unfair “one-size-fits-all” label that all too often caused great confusion, fixed expectations, and ineffective treatment–and mistreatment.

The r-word is also now inappropriate because of its negative connotation and its history of being used to demean and abuse people. “Retarded” means slower than average, held back, stunted, and has too often been wrongfully applied to the whole person instead of the specific brain function issue than person challenges.

Further, “retarded” is an is-word, as in “Jane, the grocery bagger at the market, is retarded.” Again, this usage abusively and inaccurately applies a singular unidentified medical condition to Jane’s whole person.

It is far more accurate, acceptable, and inclusive to say, “Jane, the grocery bagger at the market, has Down syndrome.” In this usage, Jane’s person-hood is pushed more to the forefront. We call this “people-first language.” Her Down syndrome comes across as something she has, something that she challenges successfully through being employed at the market. The second usage affirms Jane’s autonomy, dignity, and independence, as well as her value to her community as an employed taxpayer.

Specifying that she has Down syndrome also elicits different and more appropriate expectations, a different experience, if you will, in interacting with Jane because educated people in our society are thankfully beginning to understand and accept what people with different types of abilities and challenges are able to do. For example, we know, generally, that people who challenge Down syndrome are well capable of interacting socially and making conversation, whereas those who challenge autism are typically not as outgoing, but nonetheless deserving of a kind word like, “Hey, thanks! Great job!” Just like we would say to anybody.

But if we call Jane “retarded,” that’s a confusing overgeneralization because people know less about Jane’s abilities and interactions with them. “Okay, she’s retarded. Can I talk to her? Will she talk back?” Yeah, I’ve actually heard language like this many times over my lifetime. In this scenario, not only does Jane not get the beneficial experience of an inclusive and positive social interaction, but neither does the person confused about whether he or she can interact with Jane. See, this sort of lingo inhibits positive socialization for everybody. That’s why we don’t use it anymore.

Please do not use the r-word anymore to describe someone whose brain works differently. Please emphasize our personhood when communicating about us.

We’re people, people!