http://www.margaretcho.com/2012/06/01/sorry/
I’m so sorry for my insanely offensive comments on Watch What Happens Live. I certainly didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and this is a good lesson for me to make sure I’m aware of the power of negative speech. Please forgive my ignorance as I have little experience with children and mothers and I’m often likely to act very childish myself. All my love and apologies to anyone who may have been hurt by my statements and my inexcusable remarks.
http://blog.zap2it.com/pop2it/2012/06/margaret-cho-i-dont-want-to-have-a-retard-baby.html
Interestingly, Cho condemned comedian Tracy Morgan a year ago for what she called “hate speech” during an anti-gay rant. Do you think she owes an apology to the parents of handicapped children for her own use of “hate speech”?
The word ‘retard’ is considered hate speech because it offends people with intellectual and developmental disabilities as well as the people that care for and support them. It alienates and excludes them. It also emphasizes the negative stereotypes surrounding people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.”
http://www.jdsupra.com/post/documentViewer.aspx?fid=f2a1627c-5ace-4f7a-9e21-5f8e83712b3e
If your institution has questions or concerns about this topic and you would like further information, please email Cynthia Augello at or call her at (516) 357 – 3753.
Offensive words breed ignorance, are divisive weapons
By Emma DeFilippo
http://www.thelantern.com/opinion/offensive-words-breed-ignorance-are-divisive-weapons-1.2866336#
<!–By Emma DeFilippo
–>
Most are likely familiar with the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Cliché and childish as it might be, I find it inaccurate, because words can be especially hurtful. Some members of today’s younger generations throw around swear words and derogatory phrases like they are nothing. There exists a lack of respect, not only for one another, but mostly for the words used.
Younger generations, my own included, seem to disregard the true meaning of certain words — words such as “gay” and “retard.” Popular commercials featuring Wanda Sykes or Hilary Duff address the common phrase, “That’s so gay,” used in the context “That’s so stupid.” The denotation of “gay” does not reference stupidity, so why is it used that way? In addition, homosexual people are not stupid, so using a word that addresses them as a group in a negative way is hurtful.
Even stronger opinions arise when individuals of older generations discuss with younger generations the history behind words such as “n—-r.” On Oprah Winfrey’s talk show, she interviewed Jay-Z on his use of “n—-r” in his lyrics. Jay-Z explained that the word has a new meaning than it has had previously. The word is used synonymously with “brother” and “friend.” Oprah, on the other hand, could not understand how younger generations could call their so-called friends the same word that represented extreme racism and animosity throughout her generation, and those before her.
Growing up, the word “retard” was a swear word in my house. My father works with Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities, and using “retard” to signify idiocy was just as bad as any other swear word I could have said. Similarly, using words such as “gay” to degrade an individual is just as bad.
Comparing the seriousness of all three of these words would be disrespectful in and of itself, so I will not. However, I will compare the way in which individuals are using such words in complete disrespect for the words’ histories and true meanings.
Lastly, I will never completely understand the feelings and thoughts evoked by the word “n—-r” as I never experienced firsthand the animosity associated with it. However, it does create some confusion. Moreover, because of the word’s horrible history, the use of the n-word is inexcusable in my book. So how and why do some people use it so loosely with one another?
These words’ literal meanings are, unfortunately, not the same as the meanings that society has assigned to them. If people would choose words that convey what they are really trying to communicate instead of using these words as scapegoats, channels for ignorance or using them at all, modern slang might be slightly less abusive. We cannot change the intent behind words because, sadly, that is human nature, so instead we need to extract the misuse of these words from our vocabulary.
I would not call a bus a snail, so if someone is acting foolish, then tell them they are acting stupid, do not call them “retarded” or “gay.” If someone is your friend, then call them that. Do not use words that are historically loaded with hatred. Simply don’t be lazy — use your words.
The “R” Word
by Jamie Davis Smith, D.C.-area mother
Courtesy of The Huffington Post
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jamie-davis-smith/post_3289_b_1449662.html
The word “retarded” does not bother my daughter. In fact, not much of anything bothers her. Not the pain from her reoccurring ear infections. Not being told she can’t have ice cream. Not skipping birthday parties and trips to the park. This is in part because she is easy-going by nature. But, it is also in part because a deletion in her genetic code makes her unable to understand much of what goes on in the world around her.
My daughter does not know that when you use the r-word you are saying that she is stupid. She does not know that you are saying that you do not think she is as worthy as a perfect child. But, even though she does not know this, I do. I know that you are judging her and hurting her. You are perpetuating the idea that individuals with disabilities do not deserve to be full members of society. You are reinforcing the idea that they do not deserve the same respect and rights accorded to others.
This makes it all too easy to turn the other way when children with intellectual disabilities are bullied at school, to cut much-needed funds for medical programs for individuals with disabilities, to slash the budget for special education programs. It also makes my daughter invisible, not a person to be considered. After all, she is not the sweet girl who has a smile for everyone, who radiates pride when her usually uncooperative body allows her to take a few unassisted steps, and who delights in examining the pages of any book she can find. When you use the r-word, she is not a cuddly girl, a person to be loved. She is just a “retard.” For these reasons and many others the r-word bothers me enough for the both of us.
I know that many of you are rolling your eyes, thinking that this is a common expression and that I should lighten up. I’m sure that’s what the Mom who said she was “so retarded for getting lost” on the way to a party in a room full of four-year-olds this past weekend thinks. It is also what my friend who told me she was asked “retarded questions” at a presentation last week thinks.
It is such thinking by my well-educated, liberal friends that allows the continued marginalization of individuals with disabilities. It is such thinking that leads to the D.C. government to removing the sole piece of playground equipment for children with disabilities from our local playground and that allows city council to continually delay passage of the People First Respectful Language Modernization Act that would remove the word “retarded” from official documents.
It is also such thinking that makes it acceptable for progressive organizations that actively promote equality for others to marginalize individuals with disabilities. Just last week supporters of MoveOn received an email imploring them to “Cripple the Conservative Movement.” This is a stark example of how even an organization whose mission is “to build an even stronger unified voice” finds it easy to ignore, and even malign, those with disabilities. With its email, MoveOn sent the message that the worst thing that could happen to their political opponents is that they could wind up imperfect like my daughter.
Until we change this thinking, and our parlance, too many will continue to think of individuals with disabilities not as people who are valuable members of society, but as something less. Something “retarded” that can easily be shoved aside and mistreated. This is not something I can take lightly. It is not something any of us should accept.
If you value living in a diverse, inclusive society where everyone is valued, please think before you speak — and speak up anytime you hear the r-word. We will all be better off for it.
10 Words to Avoid in Front of Your Kids
http://www.lilsugar.com/Words-Avoid-Around-Kids-22110127
Out of the mouths of babes . . . As parents, we know that anything that’s uttered within earshot of our kids is fair game for repetition. And while eliminating all of those four-letter favorites is a no-brainer, there are plenty of others that can be just as damaging. Here, the 10 words we suggest that you ban from your vocabulary in front of your kids.
6 Things You Don’t Know About a Special Needs Parent
by Maria Lin
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maria-lin/special-needs-parenting_b_1314348.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
About 6 million kids in America receive special education, according to the U.S. Department of Education. One out of every 10 children under the age of 14 has some type of special need, which includes any physical, cognitive, or medical disability, or chronic or life-threatening illness.
My 3 year-old son Jacob is one of them.
He has a disorder of the 18th Chromosome. The 18th Chromosome has various named disorders, including Ring 18 and the more well-known Trisomy 18 (which affects Rick Santorum’s daughter, Bella). My son has the more rare 18q-. Only 1 in 40,000 Americans have Chromosome 18q-, which means that less than 7,800 Americans are affected by this disorder.
Because of this disorder, Jacob has had serious medical and developmental issues. He has had heart surgery, kidney tract surgery, bronchoscopies and endoscopies, slept with an oxygen tube, and has had dozens of medical tests and sees numerous specialists. We’ve been in and out of hospitals and doctors’ offices since he was three months old. He also has severe developmental delays and receives speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy and behavioral therapy.
Raising a child with any disorder, condition or special need, is both a blessing and a challenge. A challenge for the obvious reasons, and a blessing because you don’t know the depths of victory and joy until you see your child overcoming some of those challenges (sometimes while smiling like a goofy bear).
Chances are that you know a special needs parent, or you may be one yourself. As a special needs parent, I often don’t share my feelings on this aspect of my life, even with my closest friends, so I decided to compile a list here with the goal of building understanding (I was largely inspired by this beautiful post, authored by another parent to a child with a chromosomal disorder). I don’t claim to speak for every special needs parent out there, but from the ones I know, some of these are pretty universal. If I’ve missed any, please leave a comment below.
1. I am tired. Parenting is already an exhausting endeavor. But parenting a special needs child takes things to another level of fatigue. Even if I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep, or have had some time off, there is a level of emotional and physical tiredness that is always there, that simply comes from the weight of tending to those needs. Hospital and doctors’ visits are not just a few times a year, they may be a few times a month. Therapies may be daily. Paperwork and bills stack up, spare time is spent researching new treatments, positioning him to sit a certain way, advocating for him in the medical and educational system. This is not to mention the emotional toll of raising a special needs child, since the peaks and valleys seem so much more extreme for us. I am always appreciative of any amount of grace or help from friends to make my life easier, no matter how small, from arranging plans around my schedule and location, to watching my son while I am eating.
2. I am jealous. It’s a hard one for me to come out and say, but it’s true. When I see a 1 year-old baby do what my son can’t at 4 years-old (like walk), I feel a pang of jealousy. It hurts when I see my son struggling so hard to learn to do something that comes naturally to a typical kid, like chewing or pointing. It can be hard to hear about the accomplishments of my friend’s kids. Sometimes, I just mourn inside for Jacob, “It’s not fair.” Weirdly enough, I can even feel jealous of other special needs kids who seem to have an easier time than Jacob, or who have certain disorders like Downs, or autism, which are more mainstream and understood by the public, and seem to offer more support and resources than Jacob’s rare condition. It sounds petty, and it doesn’t diminish all my joy and pride in my son’s accomplishments. But often it’s very hard for me to be around typical kids with him. Which leads me to the next point…
3. I feel alone. It’s lonely parenting a special needs child. I can feel like an outsider around moms of typical kids. While I want to be happy for them, I feel terrible hearing them brag about how their 2 year-old has 100 words, or already knows their ABCs (or hey, even poops in the potty). Good for them, but it’s so not what my world looks like (check out Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid). It’s been a sanity saver to connect with other special needs moms, with whom it’s not uncomfortable or shocking to swap stories about medications, feeding tubes, communication devices and therapies. Even within this community, though, there is such variation in how every child is affected. Only I understand Jacob’s unique makeup and challenges. With this honor of caring for him comes the solitude of the role. I often feel really lonely in raising him.
4. I wish you would stop saying, “retarded,” “short bus,” “as long as it’s healthy… “ I know people usually don’t mean to be rude by these comments, and I probably made them myself before Jacob. But now whenever I hear them, I feel a pang of hurt. Please stop saying these things. It’s disrespectful and hurtful to those who love and raise the kids you’re mocking (not to mention the kids themselves). As for the last comment, “as long as it’s healthy,” I hear a lot of pregnant women say this. Don’t get me wrong, I understand and share their wishes for healthy babies in every birth, but it’s become such a thoughtless mantra during pregnancy that it can feel like a wish against what my son is. “And what if it’s not healthy?” I want to ask. (My response: you will be OK. You and your child will still have a great, great life.)
5. I am human. I have been challenged and pushed beyond my limits in raising my son. I’ve grown tremendously as a person, and developed a soft heart and empathy for others in a way I never would have without him. But I’m just like the next mom in some ways. Sometimes I get cranky, my son irritates me, and sometimes I just want to flee to the spa or go shopping (and, um, I often do). I still have dreams and aspirations of my own. I travel, dance, am working on a novel, love good food, talk about dating. I watch Mad Men, and like a good cashmere sweater. Sometimes it’s nice to escape and talk about all these other things. And if it seems that the rest of my life is all I talk about sometimes, it’s because it can be hard to talk about my son. Which leads me to the final point…
6. I want to talk about my son/It’s hard to talk about about son. My son is the most awe-inspiring thing to happen to my life. Some days I want to shout from the top of the Empire State Building how funny and cute he is, or how he accomplished something in school (he was recently voted class president!). Sometimes, when I’m having a rough day, or have been made aware of yet another health or developmental issue, I might not say much. I don’t often share with others, even close friends and family, the depths of what I go through when it comes to Jacob. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to learn how to share our life with others. One thing I always appreciate is whenever people ask me a more specific question about my son, like “How did Jacob like the zoo?” or “How’s Jacob’s sign language coming along?” rather than a more generalized “How’s Jacob?” which can make me feel so overwhelmed that I usually just respond, “Good.” Starting with the small things gives me a chance to start sharing. And if I’m not sharing, don’t think that there isn’t a lot going on underneath, or that I don’t want to.
Raising a special needs child has changed my life. I was raised in a family that valued performance and perfection above all else, and unconsciously I’d come to judge myself and others through this lens. Nothing breaks this lens more than having a sweet, innocent child who is born with impairments that make ordinary living and ordinary “performance” difficult or even impossible.
It has helped me understand that true love is meeting someone (child or adult, special needs or not) exactly where he or she is — no matter how they stack up against what “should be.” Raising a special needs child shatters all the “should bes” that we idolize and build our lives around, and puts something else at the core: love and understanding. So maybe that leads me to the last thing you don’t know about a special needs parent… I may have it tough, but in many ways I feel really blessed.
It’s time to strike the R-word from official use
http://www.bakersfield.com/opinion/x1688918430/Its-time-to-strike-the-R-word-from-official-use
Thursday, Mar 08 2012 11:09 PM
California state Sen. Fran Pavley is right. It’s time to say good riddance to the “R-word.”
Pavley, D-Agoura Hills, introduced state legislation this week to remove the term “retarded” from wording in state codes and statutes that refer to people with developmental disabilities. All instances would be replaced with “intellectual disabilities.”
It’s usually folly for government to attempt to regulate anything as organic as language, at least in general use. But government can certainly attempt to strike a term from use in government documents, and this one is a good candidate. As our lexicon evolves and changes, words can take on hateful and offensive meanings, and that’s been the case with “retarded.” Pavley’s bill does not impose penalties; it simply modernizes the language of government by replacing antiquated terminology with more civilized and respectful words.
Perhaps the most compelling reason to stop using the R-word is the fact that the developmentally disabled themselves don’t like the label. Groups like the Special Olympics and ARC (which has changed its name from Association for Retarded Citizens) have launched public campaigns to eliminate the word from everyday speech. And the federal government and 44 states have already removed it from state statutes. Removing it from California’s laws will further promote the message that the word is outdated and no longer acceptable.
University of Kansas Professor Urges People to Stop Using the “R” Word
Posted on: 10:46 pm, March 5, 2012, by Abby Eden
http://fox4kc.com/2012/03/05/university-of-kansas-professor-urges-people-to-stop-using-the-r-word/
LAWRENCE, Kan. – March 7th is the third annual “Spread the Word to End the Word” observance day. The word they’re trying to stop is the “R” word, or retard. One University of Kansas professor has been trying to stop that word since 1967.
In 1967 Jay Turnbull was born, Rud Turnbull was his proud father. Jay was born with intellectual disabilities, but quickly his father learned other people had a different word for people like Jay – the “R” word.
“For those of us who have children with disabilities, the “R” word is a fighting word,” Rud Turbull said.
Rud Turnbull spent years trying to educate people about the emotional hurt using the “R” word causes.
“I can’t imagine any more of an objectionable word than retard,” Turnbull said.
He says it devalues a person with disabilities.
“They are not less worthy, and indeed they are a whole lot more able than many people believe them to be,” Turnbull explained.
Theresa Melhem says she still hears the word daily.
“Yeah, it’s a little shocking, I don’t know, I think nowadays people are more- ‘oh- I can’t believe you just said that,’” Melhem said.
Turnbull says there’s something you can do in that situation- politely ask the person who says it to stop.
“In the future, would you consider the effect of that word on other people?” Turnbull demonstrated.
He offers the correct way to identify someone with a disability.
“If you had a disability, the most appropriate way for me to refer to you is to say ‘Abby.’ The second most appropriate way would be to say, ‘Abby who is a person with,’” Turnbull explained.
Because to his family, Jay was a person with a genuine smile, a person with a love for music, a person with a love for life. He was not an “R” word.